homesick

entah kenapa gue minggu ini merasa pengen banget pulang.. tugas terlalu banyak dan kuliah terlalu padet bikin pengen keluar dari rutinitas yang seabrek ini. seneng sih banyak kegiatan, tapi capek.
Hari ini libur dan temen-temen gue yang rumahnya deket pada pulang buat ikut pemilu. gue? di kost. gak ngapa-ngapain. rasanya tuh, ya ampun, pengen kayak mereka. coba aja jogja-cikarang cuma 2 jam, gue jalanin deh pulang tiap minggu...
sebenernya waktu paskah nanti adalah moment yang tepat buat pulang. but, the biggest problem come from my parents. mereka tuh mikirnya terlalu ribet. pertama, gue ga boleh pulang karena gue pulang sendirian. what? I am 18 years old, people. I can protect myself. mereka selalu aja masih merlakuin gue kayak anak kecil. kedua, mereka sibuk dan ga bisa jemput di stasiun ataupun terminal. yaelah, gue juga tau jalan pulang ke rumah kali. selama ada kendaraan gue kan bisa cari jalan pulang. I know there are a lot of risks, tapi kan kalo gue ga pernah pulang sendiri gue ga bakal pernah tau gimana caranya pulang sendiri.

yang jelas, I can't go home this easter. rasanya tuh nyesek banget harus tetep tinggal di jogja padahal lo gak ngapa-ngapain di sini. I just want to go home, mom&dad. could you understand? I just miss all the things that happen in our home. T______________________________________________T I must be strong till the end of the semester

complaining to the universe

jadi tadi pagi gue barusan KRSan. anyway I really didn't know what is the real function of KRS.. orang tadi tuh isinya cuma duduk-duduk doang. dan berita buruknya adalah kita ga bisa ambil kelas tambahan. alasan utamanya karena udah dipaketin. apa coba? I officially hate my major! dan yang paling nyebelin adalah waktu tau jadwalnya.... satu kata: kampreeeeeeeeet! apa2an coba. ada yang masuk jam 1 siang, ada yang pulang jam 6, dan yang paling parah banyak jam kosong bertebaran di mana-mana. sumpah ya ga boong ini super kampret! ya, I know that I've told you I wanna move on, I won't regret whatever and blah blah blah... but I never told you I will love my major, right?

if only I could cry in front of the universe and say "Kenapa gue ambil jurusan ini? kenapa???" (ala-ala sinetron indonesia yang scene-nya berlutut ditengah jalan malem-malem pas ujan gede gitu) terus waktu bisa muter lagi ke zaman gue sma terus gue...
okay, this is out of the line! balik ke topik:

intinya adalah mari kita berjuang melawan kekampretan ini. my mom said maybe this for my best too. good gpa is never enough. let's try this: best gpa! hhahahha... just kidding :) at least we have to try it first, right folks! I'm on my way to catch one of my dreams...
this is my quote of the day:

don't stay in my way

yeah, I dont want something or somebody stand in the way I walked in. I've fell into this wrong way and I just want to walk through it as fast as I can. I want to be graduated as soon as possible! I don't want anything disturb me. anything, any kind of thing.. I just want to say that I'm, trying to be nice for everyone. I just don't want they think I am arrogant or something. that's all. I just want to be remembered as a good person. and I don't even want someone fall for it. I mean, I just want to make friends. (wow, I mean not really friends but something that cool enough just to know each other's name)
so, I'm telling you to get lost! just... go, I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want the fastest way to get over this thing and then chase my own dream.. I just want to let it go. I can't hold it back. it's been a long time since I could talk the way I wanted to. I've been always be a good girl, I mean for anyone. and now, I won't let anything stand in my way. fight for your own dream gi!!!

living in a different world

aku baru aja pulang jalan bareng temen2 SMA. ya, tadi aku ikut EKM STECE. terus kita jalan ke mondo dan makan di sana. cerita2 sampe jam 10 (dari jam 8)... awalnya cerita kuliah biasa. dan lama2 merambat ke masalah temen2. bukan gimana ya, tapi di kuliah itu temennya bener2 beda sama sekolah dulu. aku ga bisa ketemu temen yang gilanya ya segila aku dulu. aku ga bisa nemu temen yang accept my crazy part of brain... dan ternyata temen-temenku juga merasakan hal yang sama. apalagi temen2 kita sekarang cenderung ga punya inisiatif.. bukan kita sok ngatur, tapi begitu ketemu sama hal kecil yang kita udah terbiasa untuk ngerjain bareng-bareng dan ga ada yang mau ngurusin ya kita terpanggil untuk ngurusin. kita dari dulu diajarin untuk ngurusin semua sendiri (like a single parent *kata odil* haha). kita kan ga mungkin ngelakuin segala sesuatu dituntun terus. banyak cerita yang ngegambarin kalo kita sekarang udah hidup dunia yang beda dari dulu. we used to live in a place called women solidarity world and now we're in a middle of selfish world...
 I really miss my old friends. these new things drive me crazy!

when I decided to change my memories

ini sebenernya bermula dari tweet. one of my friend say that she remember something every time she come into a place. gue sih langsung nyeletuk aja tanpa basa basi. tapi yang dia lakukan itu malah lebih frontal. I don't know why but I felt curious. and as that happened I know that someone has removed me as a friend.

just think about this thing:

if something doesn't hurt you or disturb you that much, you won't remove or unfollow someone right? and this is happened to me. so my question is what happened? am I too disturbing to be even a friend in a social media?

at the and of the day, I just think about something that I won't recall that time when I met everyone there. just pretend that I don't even know them. I hope I won't disturb anyone again so other people won't remove me like this.

is this called envy???

jadi gini ya rasanya terpuruk bgt? bisa bayangin gue ngerasa bego banget n minta nambah les sementara bokap dgn seenaknya ngomong gini: "papa pikir kamu udah banyak les tapi kenapa prestasinya gak naik2?" gue tau gue emang udah mentok! sekarang mau apa lagi coba? udah cukup deh gue kena marah terus gara2 nilai. ya gue mau naikin nilai dgn les pelajaran n malah ga boleh.. ya udah gue makin nyente minta les musik.. ya tambah ga blh laa..

apalagi nyokab itu lagi proses kelaur dari kerjaannya.. ya kinda economic crisis here.. tapi kan tetep aja gue selama ini ngerasa apa yang gue keluarin ga parah2 banget kok.. beli baju? ya pernah sih, tapi ga tiap bulan sih! beli sepatu? never! terus maunya gue apa? naik kaki ke sekolah tiap hari? ga pernah makan di luar? sabtu sepi n galau sendirian? gue jadi males pulang nih!! gue ngerti sih bokap bilang kita harus hemat buat nabung gue masuk kuliah.. tapi ya gak gini sih.. ini LEBAY!

tapi nyokab nenangin dengan bilang kalo dia mau ngelesin n wirausaha gitu.. ya bagus deh.. block dad's opinion mom!! he won't ever be able to understand me!! and about my study? it's decided.. UNJ musik!! yeah.. hope this will be success!!

#when I was younger I never get E even D on the exam and now F is usual

dapet 20 gi? what's wrong with ya?

gue ngerasa bego banget! rasanya tuh bener2 mau gantung diri banget! ini udah keterlaluan banget! padahal jelas2 gue udah belajar sampe jam 12 malem!!! demi apa.. gue hafal semua rumus. tapi bener2 bingung mau pake yang mana.. gue ga yakin bisa tuntas nih.. optimis sih, tapi..........

tetap semangat! this is not the end of the world gi.. there is a tomorrow. don't miss it.. you can do it!

I'm off.. this math-etic need more concentration than I thought before. nice day everyone. good luck for the exam!