1st june, one year ago...

Hey June, what's up? It's been a year. yeah I know.. It's been a year since I made the most horrible mistake I've ever did. a year ago, this morning suppose to be one of the most wonderful morning in my life. I've graduated form high school and this day is my graduation day. I did my make up, did my hair, dressed up and came to my school with a proud that I could survive these exhausting years. And then I took pictures, wore my medals, and here comes the worst part: I was arguing with my mom just because even I've graduated from high school I still didn't know where would I go after high school. I didn't know what to do. I was not accepted in public university, and I was still hurt about that. Music education? It's a dream major for me. I really really really-like reaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyy- want to go there. Or visual design, another dream major for me which I think I'm not that great for this major. The thing is what should I say if they didn't accept me? And because I was still hurt, I didn't apply to another universities. That thing made my mom upset. She wanted me to at least apply to any university. So I cried and just submitted my application. I missed the after-graduation photoshoot, I even didn't get my yearbook because I got to rush to apply my application. And what I did wrong was the way I chose my major. You all know I'm not happy with my major right now (well a little happy, like 8,9% of 100% and I think the number will raise in time), and why I chose this elementary school teacher education is just because of my mom. I know she was so dissapointed with me and I just want to make her proud. She was a elementary school teacher once, so I know she will be happy if I resuming her stride by do what she ever done. And why I didn't choose the other major is because I think I will be bored. Every other major in college make you study the spesific things about the major itself. I can't stand it if I have to study 'just' english or 'just' math or 'just' physics everyday in my college life =__=" Gawd, I will puked every single day. In this major I will study a lot of things. Like now, I got a fine art course, math course, english course, physics course, physicological course and so much more. I never get bored because we learn so much different things in the whole semester, isn't that great? So, yes.. I'm a lot better now. I can (like a little) accept my destiny that I belong here.
Through this problem, I learned that God always has a better plan. He would never made me sick in the middle of my final examination without any purpose. He would never made me accepted in a private university, not in a public university without any reason. He would never made me chose this damn-but-great major without something for me to learn. So, I'm letting go what happened a year ago. with these tears falling, I'm starting a new step on my life without regrets. my life's great.... every little tiny tiny things makes my life greater!

another great thing to learn is: "If you want something, You'll find a way. If not, You'll find an excuse. A great one." 

dry my eyes and now I will start living today!

so, happy new years folks! hahaha a bit late I guess. it's okay. yeah, you know a lot of things that happened last year. a huge flood which drown my dorm, my final examination, I got sick a three weeks before my final examination, I didn't get in public university, and I made a very dumb decision to chose primary school education program in a private university. I know I've made so much unpredictable memories last year but you know I always regret all things that happened. so starting today, I will release my pain about what happened and start to accepet every consequences from my bad decision. I hope even if I look back to see what happened in 2013 I'll smile and say "That's my past. I'll learn from it and dry my tears as quick as I could"
so now I will start living as a new me! no more tears (well there will be but it's not about what happened in the past) so focus gi! reach your dream and go on.. :)

a glass of lemonade

melati wrote this. thx for the spirit mel & lis :)

satu setengah bulan jadi mahasiswa FKIP itu rasanya lucu banget. like a glass of lemonade. it's sour but sweet. masih tersisa sedikit sedih karena ga jadi masuk jurusan musik atau desain tapi sekarang aku udah bisa nerima dan jadi seneng ngajar dan ngeliat anak kecil. mungkin karena di pingit ketemu banyak anak yang buat aku bersyukur dan banyak belajar tentang hidup. I love being here..

mungkin untuk sekarang ini aku udah masih merasa asem di pgsd. tapi sedikit demi sedikit rasa manisnya mulai terasa dan buat aku nyaman. temen-temen yang selalu ngasih semangat lebih dan juga selalu dengerin keluhanku yang kadang terlalu sinis. :) tapi sekarang aku udah lebih semangat kuliah. mungkin karena udah banyak kegiatan.. semoga aja ini bisa bertahan terus sampe aku lulus nanti

at least, aku udah bisa menerima semua yang udah terjadi dan berusaha ga ngeliat-liat itu lagi dan berenti nyesel jadi calon guru.. teacher is pretty cool, right?

the day we realize that life is not that important to us

yap... the life isn't that important. I mean, there's a thing that more important than life, spirit. I realize that I'm alive but I don't have any spirit to live my life... I feel empty and sad all the time. I just think that it's more than enough. even if I can't accept somethings in my life doesn't mean this is the end of my life or something right? I'm immature and I know that won't help. but sometimes, when you look at the toodler, which still learn to walk, you see that even if they fall over and over again they have to stand back and start to walk again or they would never walk for entire of their life again... so, I will stand back and walk my life again. and this time I will walk with full spirit

a new hope has arrived!

yes! is all about my new bike! thanks God bonyok udah setuju sesetuju setujunya beli sepeda. ini baru namanya new hope! hahaha.. udah beberapa kali ke jalan raya sih okeh2 aja, tapi masih takut kalo turunan. dan tiap minggu sekarang ke ugm buat latian... what a good weekend!

I believe everything is gonna be alright! and another good thing is : I've decided to move on! Udah lupa sama semuanya dan mudah mudahan aja bisa bener-bener lupa. There's a lot around here gi! haha... MOVE ON!