life goals (?)

so, hi hi people :) hehe it's H-11 going back to Jogja and I have a lot to tell you. I don't know where to start (soalnya 11 hari lagi gue ga bakal punya internet cepet yang dapat mengakomodasi terjaminnya isi blog gue ini haha). so, let me start with my goals this year. we haven't meet since forever, which is more than a year, and I haven't told you about my life goals this year. okaay, so last christmas I couldn't go home because I have a lot to do in Jogja. My first goal this year is get a lot of activities that I could do. I want to have a very tight days in my week so I don't have to think about missing home or other useless things. yeah, it's work! last 6 months I've been busy all the time and I can't even have a break just to buy some groceries. pretty busy, huh? I took a lot of responsibilities that made me too busy so I couldn't go out with some of my friends too. that affect my sleeping pattern too. I have little time to sleep and sometimes I have hard time to concentrate in class. I know that's hard for me, but I love being busy, so, I'm happy :) am I? :')

The second goal is I wanna be my truly self. I mean, not that all this time I lied about who I am. but I just feel that I've been hiding in my comfort zone. I think and do things that I think will make me stay in my comfort zone. I just do not want to do that anymore. I'm 20 right now, and I have to act like I'm 20. so I take my responsibilities to show what person I've hide before. you know, I like to lead, I mean I can take a responsibility as a leader. so I took that responsibility. I become a leader of an event. not a big event, but I know this is just like an opening to show what I've got.

Third is I want to be prettier. LOL, but this real. I know that I already told anyone that everyone is beautiful but I want to have my own style to get into it. so, I'm trying to get my eyes on some beauty bloggers and youtubers. I think I'm going to tell you about these girls later :)

And this is my last goal : accept my past. I want to look forward and just look back my past for my good. I want to take my past as a lesson not as a regret. I want to believe that everything in my past have their part to make me as me today. so, here I am, enjoying myself as a teacher wannabe. yess, I'm ready to be a teacher. but not a usual teacher, a rocking teacher that have a busy schedule, accept herself, and mature enough to accept everything happened in her past. Also, I want to be a stylish teacher :) hahaha. I'm getting ready for the next semester! 

golput (?)

Banyak orang yang bilang kalo golput itu ga baik. kalo menurut gue, golput itu pilihan. dan itu mungkin juga akan jadi pilihan gue. kalo ditanya kenapa, gue bakal jawab dengan penjelasan panjang lebar kayak gini:

PERTAMA, gue pikir gue masih dibawah umur. emang sih gue udah 19 tahun, udah punya KTP tapi kalo diliat kan gue belom dewasa buat nentuin pilihan sendiri. ya sebenernya ga terlalu ngaruh banget sih umur gue berapa, tapi masalah yang paling penting adalah di umur segini ini gue belom bisa berpenghasilan sendiri dan otomatis gue masih dibiayain orangtua. nah, that's the problem. karna gue (istilahnya) masih bergantung sama orangtua otomatis mereka sedikit banyak akan mempengaruhi gue dalam memilih. well, gak semua orang kayak gitu tapi pasti ada yang kayak gue lah. I won't lie that they try to persuade me to vote someone. itulah yang gue ga suka. selama lo belom kerja, orangtua itu bakal berpengaruh besar banget. kalo udah kerja kan lo bakal mikirin apa ngaruhnya capres mana yang lo pilih buat kerjaan lo, atau buat cicilan rumah lo nanti, atau apa kebijakan dia bikin pendidikan anak-anak lo nantinya lebih maju. mungkin sekarang juga kalo gue milih gue bakal sedikit mikirin apa ngaruhnya kalo capres itu jadi presiden buat hidup gue tapi kan ga bakal sedalem itu. ya kalaupun gue bakal milih nantinya, gue ga mau itu cuma gara-gara orangtua gue yang gembar-gemborin capres itu di depan gue.

KEDUA, I don't think ada calon yang ngena di hati gue sekarang ini. they great, tapi gue belom bisa nilai mereka bener-bener secara objektif karena di luaran itu beritanya banyak yang ngejelek-jelekin mereka. here's my opinion about them (banyak pengaruh dari berita yang gue baca juga nih): ada calon presiden yang dikabarin ikut gitu waktu insiden 98. gue ga tau sih itu bener apa enggak (my brother said that he admitted it on the debat capres, tapi gue ga nonton debatnya jadi gue ga tau. hehe). ada calon presiden yang dibilang capres boneka. katanya sih dia itu kalo jadi presiden bakal cuma ngikutin perintah orang yang ada di belakangnya. gue juga ga tau sih ini bener apa enggak, tapi kan dengan adanya kabar kayak gitu jadi bikin kita mikir dan agak ragu gitu. kalo pandangan gue itu capres-capres ini ga terlalu sesuai sama harapan gue. gue masih ga bisa percaya sama yang satu karna masa lalunya itu masih terlalu simpang siur dan ga ada orang yang bisa menjamin dia ga akan ngelakuin hal yang sama kayak gitu lagi nanti kalo dia beneran jadi presiden. terus gue nganggep yang satunya itu ga setia. kalo dia setia harusnya dia ga ninggalin jakarta. masih banyak banget yang harus dibenahin di jakarta... yang jelas gue udah seneng banget dia bisa benahin jakarta, tapi kan jakarta masih butuh dia, ga bisa ditinggalin gitu aja. itu namanya mah php pak! hahaha... yang jelas gue sebenernya ga mau punya presiden yang ga bisa senyum sama sekali. tapi gue juga ga mau punya presiden yang malah terlalu banyak nyengir. sebenernya loh ya, tapi kan salah satu dari mereka beneran bakal jadi presiden kita nanti.

banyak kan yang ngepost foto gini tapi secara gue masih ga tau milih siapa ya foto ini yang gue upload. haha

Cuma itu sih. hehehehe gue di sini bukan mau jadi orang yang mempengaruhi orang lain buat golput ataupun ngajak orang buat milih. itu murni pilihan kalian sendiri. tapi ada satu hal yang jelas harus kita lakuin pas pemilu nanti yaitu dateng ke tps dan nyoblos. kalo lo emang mau golput, golputlah dengan tetap datang dan nyobloslah dengan tidak sah. itu sih yang mau gue lakuin pas pemilu kalau emang gue beneran jadi golput. katanya sih itu buat meminimalisir penyalahgunaan kertas suara. tapi yang jelas gue juga ga mau nyia-nyiain kesempatan pertama gue buat dateng ke tps dan nyoblos (whether itu sah atau ga sah) dan nyelupin jari gue ke tinta. hehe, mungkin it sounds cheesy tapi ya itu bakal jadi pengalaman lucu tersendiri :)
ok, last statement: kalo lo mau milih pastiin lo milih capres itu bukan karna paksaan dari oranglain, itu harus murni pilihan lo sendiri. terus lo juga harus tau gimana kinerjanya selama ini dan apa yang mau dia buat kalo dia kepilih nanti. selamat memilih!

1st june, one year ago...

Hey June, what's up? It's been a year. yeah I know.. It's been a year since I made the most horrible mistake I've ever did. a year ago, this morning suppose to be one of the most wonderful morning in my life. I've graduated form high school and this day is my graduation day. I did my make up, did my hair, dressed up and came to my school with a proud that I could survive these exhausting years. And then I took pictures, wore my medals, and here comes the worst part: I was arguing with my mom just because even I've graduated from high school I still didn't know where would I go after high school. I didn't know what to do. I was not accepted in public university, and I was still hurt about that. Music education? It's a dream major for me. I really really really-like reaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyy- want to go there. Or visual design, another dream major for me which I think I'm not that great for this major. The thing is what should I say if they didn't accept me? And because I was still hurt, I didn't apply to another universities. That thing made my mom upset. She wanted me to at least apply to any university. So I cried and just submitted my application. I missed the after-graduation photoshoot, I even didn't get my yearbook because I got to rush to apply my application. And what I did wrong was the way I chose my major. You all know I'm not happy with my major right now (well a little happy, like 8,9% of 100% and I think the number will raise in time), and why I chose this elementary school teacher education is just because of my mom. I know she was so dissapointed with me and I just want to make her proud. She was a elementary school teacher once, so I know she will be happy if I resuming her stride by do what she ever done. And why I didn't choose the other major is because I think I will be bored. Every other major in college make you study the spesific things about the major itself. I can't stand it if I have to study 'just' english or 'just' math or 'just' physics everyday in my college life =__=" Gawd, I will puked every single day. In this major I will study a lot of things. Like now, I got a fine art course, math course, english course, physics course, physicological course and so much more. I never get bored because we learn so much different things in the whole semester, isn't that great? So, yes.. I'm a lot better now. I can (like a little) accept my destiny that I belong here.
Through this problem, I learned that God always has a better plan. He would never made me sick in the middle of my final examination without any purpose. He would never made me accepted in a private university, not in a public university without any reason. He would never made me chose this damn-but-great major without something for me to learn. So, I'm letting go what happened a year ago. with these tears falling, I'm starting a new step on my life without regrets. my life's great.... every little tiny tiny things makes my life greater!

another great thing to learn is: "If you want something, You'll find a way. If not, You'll find an excuse. A great one." 

teaching on a battlefield part 2

so, this is about teaching on a battlefield (again).. kemaren, as a typically Monday, kita kembali ngajar pramuka. aku sih udah ngerasa enjoy buat ngajar. anak-anaknya juga udah kenal sama kita, jadi kita udah mulai kerasan dan mereka udah nerima kita. tapi, yang jadi masalah lagi-lagi adalah pembinanya. ada beberapa masalah yang jadi pokok utama kemaren:
#1 ternyata anak-anak itu pada uts kemaren. banyak anak yang nanya: "bunda, kok ada pramuka? biasanya kalo uts ga ada" (anyway, if you confused why they called us bunda, itu udah peraturan pramuka gitu. kalo nanda-nanda siaga harus panggil pembinanya bunda sama yahnda). terus tanyalah kita ke pembinanya. dan reaksi dia malah negatif dan dia masuk ke kelas sambil ngomong "siapa bilang kalo uts ga ada pramuka? siapa yang gak mau latihan keluar sekarang" *jleb* dalam hati aku langsung ngomong "mampus ini kita salah ngomong". jujur aja aku ga respect sama orang kayak gitu. meskipun pramuka juga penting (well, for some people-not me-) tapi sekolah itu jaaauuuuh lebih penting. kalo emang mereka harus tetep latihan, kita kan bisa mulangin mereka lebih cepet supaya mereka bisa belajar. kan kasian kalo mereka capek terus ga bisa belajar.
#2  anak-anak yang penggalang itu materinya tali temali. nah, banyak di antara kita yang ga bisa tali temali itu kayak apa. mereka berusaha semaksimal yang mereka bisa. tapi si bapak yang emang dasarnya rese ini malah ngetest mereka. dia nyuruh anak-anak nanya ke mereka yang mereka ga bisa. habis itu pas evaluasi mereka dikritik habis-habisan. ini gak fair banget. gak semua orang yang jadi pembina tau kayak apa materinya. bahkan aku aja ga pernah dapet pramuka dan sekarang harus ngajar anak-anak sesuatu yang aku baru tau waktu ikut KMD.
#3 hal ini yang paling aku ga suka dari beliau. dia dengan santainya ngerokok di lingkungan sekolah. mungkin emang itu situasinya udah sore, murid udah pada pulang, bla bla bla. tapi itu semua ga bisa dijadiin alasan buat ngerokok di sekolah. seorang pendidik itu harusnya bisa jadi teladan yang baik. dia ga nyadar apa, bau rokoknya itu bisa kecium? mau jadi apa kalo guru-guru semuanya kayak gitu?

ya, I'm just revealing my disappointment at school that I teach.. semoga aja teman-teman yang mau jadi guru (ceilaah udah berubah pikiran nih ceritanya) pada berpikiran yang sama.. iya keinginan aku untuk jadi guru udah bertambah jadi 1,99999%.. I want to be a teacher to change people's old teaching method. we can be a better teacher for the future!

college things

kuliah emang bada banget sama sekolah. waktu sekolah kita terus dituntun sama guru dan sekarang waktu kuliah, para dosen ninggalin kita tanpa jejak. jadi gini ceritanya, kemaren jumat itu kan ada makul landasan pendidikan sd, terus emang jadwal kelompokku buat presentasi. We've tried so hard to make our paper.. dan pas dateng, ternyata kita disuruh presentasi sendiri tanpa dosen dan asdos. kita emang tau kalo dosennya ga bisa dateng, katanya bakal diganti sama asdos. tapi nyatanya...

jadilah kita presentasi dengan kelas berisik dan ga efektif. ya jelas, ga ada dosen dan dengan materi yang ribet kayak gitu pastinya anak-anak udah pada males merhatiin.

kuliah emang kayak gitu ternyata. dosen itu bisa seenaknya pergi, seenaknya ngasih ujian susah, seenaknya nyuruh-nyuruh dan yang paling menyebalkan adalah hampir semua dosen itu perfeksionis. liat aja ini dosen seni rupa. menurut dia bagus aja ga cukup tapi harus sempurna.

tugasnya itu sumpah susah banget. rasanya kita kayak disamain sama anak isi. gosh, you know I have no talent for visual arts. so these things just out of my capability. tapi ga papa. mungkin ini salah satu pencerahan seandainya aku beneran jadi dosen. jangan jadi dosen yang kayak gini. keep fighting. hidup mahasiswa!!