I'm back

oh gosh, after all this time I left my blog I'm back! hahaha.. I think my blog already had some nest and spiderweb on it. blaaah
after a year, I have a lot to tell you guys. I don't know where to start.
So here I am, standing as a future's teacher. Yup, this time is real. I finally realize that being a teacher is a great deal and I will dedicate myself to being one. haha
And I am 20 years old right now, which make me more confident and mature (I think) haha. Nothing I can't do to make time stop so I have to accept that I am OLD, haha not that old, but yeah..
So this is the intro, I'll meet you guys like tomorrow! haha.. too much to say.
XOXO

1st june, one year ago...

Hey June, what's up? It's been a year. yeah I know.. It's been a year since I made the most horrible mistake I've ever did. a year ago, this morning suppose to be one of the most wonderful morning in my life. I've graduated form high school and this day is my graduation day. I did my make up, did my hair, dressed up and came to my school with a proud that I could survive these exhausting years. And then I took pictures, wore my medals, and here comes the worst part: I was arguing with my mom just because even I've graduated from high school I still didn't know where would I go after high school. I didn't know what to do. I was not accepted in public university, and I was still hurt about that. Music education? It's a dream major for me. I really really really-like reaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyy- want to go there. Or visual design, another dream major for me which I think I'm not that great for this major. The thing is what should I say if they didn't accept me? And because I was still hurt, I didn't apply to another universities. That thing made my mom upset. She wanted me to at least apply to any university. So I cried and just submitted my application. I missed the after-graduation photoshoot, I even didn't get my yearbook because I got to rush to apply my application. And what I did wrong was the way I chose my major. You all know I'm not happy with my major right now (well a little happy, like 8,9% of 100% and I think the number will raise in time), and why I chose this elementary school teacher education is just because of my mom. I know she was so dissapointed with me and I just want to make her proud. She was a elementary school teacher once, so I know she will be happy if I resuming her stride by do what she ever done. And why I didn't choose the other major is because I think I will be bored. Every other major in college make you study the spesific things about the major itself. I can't stand it if I have to study 'just' english or 'just' math or 'just' physics everyday in my college life =__=" Gawd, I will puked every single day. In this major I will study a lot of things. Like now, I got a fine art course, math course, english course, physics course, physicological course and so much more. I never get bored because we learn so much different things in the whole semester, isn't that great? So, yes.. I'm a lot better now. I can (like a little) accept my destiny that I belong here.
Through this problem, I learned that God always has a better plan. He would never made me sick in the middle of my final examination without any purpose. He would never made me accepted in a private university, not in a public university without any reason. He would never made me chose this damn-but-great major without something for me to learn. So, I'm letting go what happened a year ago. with these tears falling, I'm starting a new step on my life without regrets. my life's great.... every little tiny tiny things makes my life greater!

another great thing to learn is: "If you want something, You'll find a way. If not, You'll find an excuse. A great one." 

teaching on a battlefield part 2

so, this is about teaching on a battlefield (again).. kemaren, as a typically Monday, kita kembali ngajar pramuka. aku sih udah ngerasa enjoy buat ngajar. anak-anaknya juga udah kenal sama kita, jadi kita udah mulai kerasan dan mereka udah nerima kita. tapi, yang jadi masalah lagi-lagi adalah pembinanya. ada beberapa masalah yang jadi pokok utama kemaren:
#1 ternyata anak-anak itu pada uts kemaren. banyak anak yang nanya: "bunda, kok ada pramuka? biasanya kalo uts ga ada" (anyway, if you confused why they called us bunda, itu udah peraturan pramuka gitu. kalo nanda-nanda siaga harus panggil pembinanya bunda sama yahnda). terus tanyalah kita ke pembinanya. dan reaksi dia malah negatif dan dia masuk ke kelas sambil ngomong "siapa bilang kalo uts ga ada pramuka? siapa yang gak mau latihan keluar sekarang" *jleb* dalam hati aku langsung ngomong "mampus ini kita salah ngomong". jujur aja aku ga respect sama orang kayak gitu. meskipun pramuka juga penting (well, for some people-not me-) tapi sekolah itu jaaauuuuh lebih penting. kalo emang mereka harus tetep latihan, kita kan bisa mulangin mereka lebih cepet supaya mereka bisa belajar. kan kasian kalo mereka capek terus ga bisa belajar.
#2  anak-anak yang penggalang itu materinya tali temali. nah, banyak di antara kita yang ga bisa tali temali itu kayak apa. mereka berusaha semaksimal yang mereka bisa. tapi si bapak yang emang dasarnya rese ini malah ngetest mereka. dia nyuruh anak-anak nanya ke mereka yang mereka ga bisa. habis itu pas evaluasi mereka dikritik habis-habisan. ini gak fair banget. gak semua orang yang jadi pembina tau kayak apa materinya. bahkan aku aja ga pernah dapet pramuka dan sekarang harus ngajar anak-anak sesuatu yang aku baru tau waktu ikut KMD.
#3 hal ini yang paling aku ga suka dari beliau. dia dengan santainya ngerokok di lingkungan sekolah. mungkin emang itu situasinya udah sore, murid udah pada pulang, bla bla bla. tapi itu semua ga bisa dijadiin alasan buat ngerokok di sekolah. seorang pendidik itu harusnya bisa jadi teladan yang baik. dia ga nyadar apa, bau rokoknya itu bisa kecium? mau jadi apa kalo guru-guru semuanya kayak gitu?

ya, I'm just revealing my disappointment at school that I teach.. semoga aja teman-teman yang mau jadi guru (ceilaah udah berubah pikiran nih ceritanya) pada berpikiran yang sama.. iya keinginan aku untuk jadi guru udah bertambah jadi 1,99999%.. I want to be a teacher to change people's old teaching method. we can be a better teacher for the future!

college things

kuliah emang bada banget sama sekolah. waktu sekolah kita terus dituntun sama guru dan sekarang waktu kuliah, para dosen ninggalin kita tanpa jejak. jadi gini ceritanya, kemaren jumat itu kan ada makul landasan pendidikan sd, terus emang jadwal kelompokku buat presentasi. We've tried so hard to make our paper.. dan pas dateng, ternyata kita disuruh presentasi sendiri tanpa dosen dan asdos. kita emang tau kalo dosennya ga bisa dateng, katanya bakal diganti sama asdos. tapi nyatanya...

jadilah kita presentasi dengan kelas berisik dan ga efektif. ya jelas, ga ada dosen dan dengan materi yang ribet kayak gitu pastinya anak-anak udah pada males merhatiin.

kuliah emang kayak gitu ternyata. dosen itu bisa seenaknya pergi, seenaknya ngasih ujian susah, seenaknya nyuruh-nyuruh dan yang paling menyebalkan adalah hampir semua dosen itu perfeksionis. liat aja ini dosen seni rupa. menurut dia bagus aja ga cukup tapi harus sempurna.

tugasnya itu sumpah susah banget. rasanya kita kayak disamain sama anak isi. gosh, you know I have no talent for visual arts. so these things just out of my capability. tapi ga papa. mungkin ini salah satu pencerahan seandainya aku beneran jadi dosen. jangan jadi dosen yang kayak gini. keep fighting. hidup mahasiswa!!

LA CF yang "menggijag-gijugkan" hatiku :)

jadi, 3 hari kemaren (ga kemaren juga sih sebenernya) aku ikut LA 1 psm. dari hampir sebulan sebelumnya kita udah dibagi kelompok gitu, terus kita harus ngumpul-ngumpul buat ngomongin callcard, jargon, yel-yel gitu biasa kayak waktu inisiasi. nama kelompoknya itu pake nama-nama gendre musik, kalo kelompokku namanya rohani. hehe

nah, hari jumat kita berangkat bareng-bareng ke penting sari. dan pas sampe itu... tempatnya bagus dan menyenangkan. acara pertama disuruh tutup mata pake slyer terus (I don't know what excactly we're doing) ya kita disuruh muter-muter gitulah pokonya. disuruh nyanyi ini, nyanyi itu, kenalan sama orang-orang dengan mata tertutup, disuruh ngerayu. ya pokoknya gitulah. terus kita disuruh masuk ke ruangan (sebenernya aku ga tau itu di mana sampe dibuka matanya). terus kita, dengan mata tertutup, berdiri ngelingker gitu terus di depannya ada kakak angkatan psm kita, terus mereka nyanyi. kita ikut nyanyi gitu sampe dibuka matanya dan ternyata mereka pegang lilin (menurutku sih so sweet).


hari pertama aku masih belom terlalu keluar gilanya. habis itu kita ada sharing sama pelatih kesayangan kita a.k.a mas bong. dan eng ing eng, kita dikasih tau kalo kita bakal tidur di aula. sumpah itu rasanya shock banget. aku yang capek dan ngantuk banget bahkan waktu sharing udah hampir ketiduran gara-gara mikirin tidur di kasur empuk. tapi ya sudah, kita jalani dengan penuh ketabahan. kita tidur di tiker gitu dan yang lebih ngagetin itu kita dibangunin (aku juga ga tau jam berapa) terus disuruh jalan nyusurin tali. dipinggir track kita ada kakak-kakaknya yang nakut-nakutin gitu. tapi ya aku masih ngantuk jadi ga ngerti dan ga takut gitu. hahaha.. terus aku masuk ke ruangan yang ada pelatihku, terus aku ya seperti biasa diajak sharing gitu tentang psm. pokoknya ya nguatin aku untuk tetep rajin di psm. udah gitu aku disuruh tidur lagi, gantian sama temen-temen yang lain.


besoknya kita bangun terus ganti baju dress code. pake baju item-item kita jalan ke apa ya namanya? kali atau sungai gitulah. terus di pinggir kali atau sungai itu kita mulai latihan alamnya. latihannya lebih ke fisik sih. mulai dari tahan napas, terus tiduran, terus angkat kaki, angkat badan, posisi push up. gitulah pokoknya. habis itu kita latihan ekspresi. ini seru menurutku. hahaha. habis itu kita balik lagi ke wisma, tapi ga boleh mandi (mencurigakan kan?). ternyata habis latihan alam kita ada semacam outbond gitu. seru sih, mainan tepung sama air. sorenya kita ada talentshow berdasarkan kelompok ekspresi yang tadi dibagi. dan mulailah kegilaanku muncul di sini. apalagi waktu panitia tampil dan ngajak oplosan. aku yang ga pernah goyang oplosan ikut-ikutan dan akhirnya ketagihan. seruuuu pake banget! hahahaahaha ngakak banget. habis itu kita disuruh duduk ngelingker lagi terus ada kakak angkatan yang duduk di depan kita lagi terus kita nyanyi lagi. ternyata kakak yang duduk di depan kita itu kakak lilin kita. kakak lilinku namanya kak paul. kita sharing gitu tentang psm.
besoknya waktu bangun badan udah sakit. dan kita main dandan-dandanan gitu. pake bedak, pake lipstick. yang paling lucu itu ya cowok-cowok. hahahaahah.. habis itu kita kembali ditutup matanya dan dikelilingin entah ke mana. aku disuruh main ular naga, main domikado, nyanyi ini itu.. yang paling gila adalah kita dikasih sesuatu (cairan gitu) dan itu bau banget. semacam tepung campur telur campur sesuatu yang busuk. yeyek lah pokoke. tapi akhirnya ada kayak upacara penyambutan gitu. kita yang kotor disiram pake air gitu. terus kita main kejar-kejaran sama panitia. hahaha..

yang jelas LA1 ini bener-bener ngena di hati. gijag-gijug banget hatinya. hahaha
aku jadi lebih kenal anak-anak CF, ga cuma angkatanku tapi juga kakak-kakak angkatan. terus aku juga bisa lebih pd (gila mungkin) dan belajar buat berteman sama siapa aja..
dan yang penting, kelompokku menang callcard terbaik. ga sia-sia perjuangan kita di-php dampok serta berulangkali bertemu plus ke paingan sampe malem demi ngerjain callcard. yeaaay. I'm proud to be the part of rohani!!!

LA1 itu tanggal 26 april katanya. aku jadi kangen dan pengen cepet-cepet LA lagi... semangat! hehehehe LA1 CF 2013 jug gijag gijug gijag gijug gejeg gejeg gejeg aauuww! :)

complaining to the universe

jadi tadi pagi gue barusan KRSan. anyway I really didn't know what is the real function of KRS.. orang tadi tuh isinya cuma duduk-duduk doang. dan berita buruknya adalah kita ga bisa ambil kelas tambahan. alasan utamanya karena udah dipaketin. apa coba? I officially hate my major! dan yang paling nyebelin adalah waktu tau jadwalnya.... satu kata: kampreeeeeeeeet! apa2an coba. ada yang masuk jam 1 siang, ada yang pulang jam 6, dan yang paling parah banyak jam kosong bertebaran di mana-mana. sumpah ya ga boong ini super kampret! ya, I know that I've told you I wanna move on, I won't regret whatever and blah blah blah... but I never told you I will love my major, right?

if only I could cry in front of the universe and say "Kenapa gue ambil jurusan ini? kenapa???" (ala-ala sinetron indonesia yang scene-nya berlutut ditengah jalan malem-malem pas ujan gede gitu) terus waktu bisa muter lagi ke zaman gue sma terus gue...
okay, this is out of the line! balik ke topik:

intinya adalah mari kita berjuang melawan kekampretan ini. my mom said maybe this for my best too. good gpa is never enough. let's try this: best gpa! hhahahha... just kidding :) at least we have to try it first, right folks! I'm on my way to catch one of my dreams...
this is my quote of the day:

dry my eyes and now I will start living today!

so, happy new years folks! hahaha a bit late I guess. it's okay. yeah, you know a lot of things that happened last year. a huge flood which drown my dorm, my final examination, I got sick a three weeks before my final examination, I didn't get in public university, and I made a very dumb decision to chose primary school education program in a private university. I know I've made so much unpredictable memories last year but you know I always regret all things that happened. so starting today, I will release my pain about what happened and start to accepet every consequences from my bad decision. I hope even if I look back to see what happened in 2013 I'll smile and say "That's my past. I'll learn from it and dry my tears as quick as I could"
so now I will start living as a new me! no more tears (well there will be but it's not about what happened in the past) so focus gi! reach your dream and go on.. :)

do you want to build a snowman?

this phrase is a piece of Frozen's song lyrics. I would like to say that I almost cry because of this song. This song is about Anna who really want to go out with her sister, Elsa. Elsa locked herself in her room because she doesn't want to hurt Anna. Elsa has a power who can freeze anything she touch. she made her sister hurt once, so she doesn't want to hurt her anymore.
the phrase "Do you want to build a snowman" is represented a loneliness. Anna really want to play with Elsa, build a snowman and talk together like they used to be.

In my life, this phrase made me cry because I think I felt the same loneliness. I really miss my friends. I want to go out with them. but at the moment they already have their own thing to do. I miss all the time that we've spent together. this new life is sucks! I really want to rewind the time and find myself back with all my besties. guys, "do you want to build a snowman?"

a glass of lemonade

melati wrote this. thx for the spirit mel & lis :)

satu setengah bulan jadi mahasiswa FKIP itu rasanya lucu banget. like a glass of lemonade. it's sour but sweet. masih tersisa sedikit sedih karena ga jadi masuk jurusan musik atau desain tapi sekarang aku udah bisa nerima dan jadi seneng ngajar dan ngeliat anak kecil. mungkin karena di pingit ketemu banyak anak yang buat aku bersyukur dan banyak belajar tentang hidup. I love being here..

mungkin untuk sekarang ini aku udah masih merasa asem di pgsd. tapi sedikit demi sedikit rasa manisnya mulai terasa dan buat aku nyaman. temen-temen yang selalu ngasih semangat lebih dan juga selalu dengerin keluhanku yang kadang terlalu sinis. :) tapi sekarang aku udah lebih semangat kuliah. mungkin karena udah banyak kegiatan.. semoga aja ini bisa bertahan terus sampe aku lulus nanti

at least, aku udah bisa menerima semua yang udah terjadi dan berusaha ga ngeliat-liat itu lagi dan berenti nyesel jadi calon guru.. teacher is pretty cool, right?

I didn't get what I really want

ya.. you know that I really hope that I could study in state university. but that just won't happen. masuk swasta itu...... ya, won't make me jump or something but I just smile when I get in there.... at least I know what to do there. even I don't like children
tapi ya sudahlah.. I just want to make my parents proud. that's hard since I didn't get what I want but its okay. I think God has another good plan for me :)
see ya at Elementary teachers major at Sanata Dharma Jogjakarta