What ifs

I’ve been thinking about this lately. Is there any possibilities to rewind back the time? I really want to do that. I think I made a wrong choise. I’m gonna go back and go with:

“What if I chose design or music. Anything that I always felt comfotable with?”

I know it’s impossible but its hurt everytime they ask me what I’m on with and I have to pretend that I love being here. With these ‘future’s teacher’ things. I want to be myself. I don’t want to stand behind other people dreams like this. I’ve been lying a lot. Even to myself. Why am I doing this to myself? I don’t want this... I want my dreams to come true. And now, my dream is in the other way. And I take a way which make me further from my dream. Something inside me just scream everytime I look at other people who play music and design something. Teacher (?) is it what you really want to be, gi? Seems I lose myself in the middle of wrong way. I’ve cried a lot of times and still feel not okay.

What’s more important? My dream or other’s happiness (?) can’t decide one.....